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Post by cutiedani21 on Feb 24, 2011 0:20:12 GMT -5
New Story! Comment if you like it, have any suggestions, critques, or what ever else! I've been pretty dead on here for some time, so I'd be nice to know if anyone was actually interested in reading this. Hope you like it! -Danii The Creature by the Lake Young Dakota had lived with her father for as long as she could remember- in their quaint house on hill just a small distance from a picturesque lake. The scene truly looked as though it belonged on a postcard, the water of the lake glistened peacefully in the sunlight, and small fish swam about happily. Dakota was a rather curious young girl, with long golden-tinted brown hair that waved just at the ends, large almond shaped eyes that were the most bluest of blues, and a smile that seemed to brighten anyone’s day- especially her father who seemed to be frequently downed as he remembered the passing of his wife. Dakota could barely picture her mother in her head, but from what she could recall her mother was extremely beautiful. She had had dark chocolate colored long hair that reached halfway down her back, full red lips, pink rosy cheeks which blended in perfectly with her pale skin color, and an inviting smile similar to her own. But Dakota could not recall much more of her mother, other than the fact that she knew her mother had loved her very dearly. She asked her father about her mother frequently, but he seemed to suddenly turn cold and would often give incomplete, if any response at all. She had often laid in her bed, pondering what kind of woman her mother was as she stared deeply at the moon. The moon, the stars, space itself was so captivating. Dakota was mesmerized by the sky. How was it the sky could be different every night no matter what? It never seemed to let her down, every night putting on a different show, displaying a different story for her to piece together. But it was on the first night of May during Dakota’s fifth year that the sky truly did something spectacular. No longer were the stars, the moon, the planes and lights in the sky the only cast in the play. No, tonight there would be a new character, that would star in tonight’s show for one time, and one time only. Tonight was the night that Dakota watched in awe as a bright green light flashed across the sky, lighting up her room in the process. Young Dakota sat up from her bed and gazed out the window, her palms pressed on its sides, as a large glowing object fell from the sky at incredible speed. Dakota watched it curiously pondering as to what the object could possibly be. A shooting star? A falling plane? A comet? She gasped as whatever the object was plunged into the lake with a loud splash. The entire lake seemed to glow a florescent green just for a moment, before the light suddenly extinguished, and it seemed as though everything was quiet and peaceful once again. Dakota stared for a moment before bolting out of her room and down the stairs and bursting out the door, running as fast as her tiny legs could carry her down the steep hill towards the lakes edge, desperate to find out what had plunged into the water.
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Post by JessicaTheShark on Feb 24, 2011 0:44:32 GMT -5
Oh, cool, a new story! Hee, hee, the part with the shooting star kinda reminds me of when the Autobots came to Earth in "Transformers." ^.^ I can't wait to find out what happens!
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Post by cutiedani21 on Feb 24, 2011 0:46:11 GMT -5
LoL! well glad you like it sharkie!
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shanalogic
New Member
I'm too lazy to turn this stupid thing the right way around.
Posts: 32
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Post by shanalogic on Feb 24, 2011 1:33:36 GMT -5
Ooh, I love stories with children! I can't wait to see what happens next.
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Post by Amayasama on Feb 24, 2011 16:10:58 GMT -5
^^ Aw this is nice, the main character is a different age x3 I'm curious! ;3 I wonder what kind of giant we have here~
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Post by howlingwolf on Feb 24, 2011 20:54:51 GMT -5
I really like how you described the sky in your story, it was so unique! I love it! I hope there will be an update soon =D
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Post by cutiedani21 on Feb 25, 2011 1:02:22 GMT -5
@amaya and Shana - glad I caught you're interest!
@wolf- Thanks =] I had fun writing that part too!
AND here's the next part!
Chapter 2
When the edge of the lake was in sight, the young girl slowed down trying to be as quiet as possible. Despite this, it was near impossible to prevent the tiny leaves and twigs from crunching under her feet. Courage- it’s an amazing thing that young children possess. Too naïve and ill-informed to know the real dangers of situations, it seems only the mightiest of history’s heroes possess courage on a level equal to that of a mere child. And perhaps it was this courage, tied in with Dakota’s curiosity that led her to run so boldly to the water’s edge.
There she crept slowly, inching ever closer to the borders of the lake. Yet even courageous children have some fear, and Dakota was quite nervous as she continued to ponder what she might be up against. She peered from behind a tree down at the mysterious waters and gasped in surprise as she caught glimpse of the glowing object.
She slowly came out of her hiding spot and tiptoed towards the water’s edge, grinning in excitement at her discovery. The object was in the shallow end of the lake, where the water level was only about 10 feet, but its luminosity made it clearly visible even from Dakota’s position. It looked like some sort of large glowing cocoon, which if Dakota were closer, she would see was covered with elaborate abstract designs.
Suddenly there was a low thud, and Dakota squinted her eyes just slightly as she leaned forward and watched captivated. She let out a frightened gasp and covered her mouth in shock as the cocoon cracked, sending two or three air bubbles to the surface of the lake. Then she stared in awe as the cocoon’s glow slowly faded, and it appeared as though something from the inside was widening the crack as pushed its way out.
Dakota took a step back as she whispered fearfully to herself, “I-It’s alive…”
Terrified, she continued to move slowly backward, hoping to avoid the creature attention. For although children possess the greatest courage when facing new situations, when introduced to familiar dangers and fears children possess the greatest cowardice. She contained her screams as the creature rose to the surface, and poked its head out of the water.
As she continued to back away she was now reaching where the lake’s sand just met the soil and grasses of the forest. It was only a bit further before she would be far enough to turn her back and sprint home. She assured herself that she would be alright, she was almost there. She could do it. But that confidence was crushed when she found herself tripping on a fallen branch. She instinctively yelped as she fell onto her butt landing on the cold hard ground.
The creature immediately turned its head towards her staring directly at her as Dakota desperately sobbed panting as she scrambled frantically to her feet. She turned her head one last time before she bolted away, rushing up the hill as fast as her little legs could take her. She burst into the house and slammed the door locking it as she slid down the door onto her butt and pulled her knees towards her chest, curling up into a tiny ball as she cried loudly. Her father soon came rushing down the stairs where he found Dakota sobbing by the door. He bent down and picked her up under her arms lifting her up and then holding her against him.
“Ohhhh Dakota shhhh,” he coed rubbing her back as she buried her face into his neck in tears.
“Dakota it’s okay, what’s wrong?” she responded only with more sobs.
“It’s okay…shhh, Daddy’s here Dakota, Daddy will protect you…” he coed calming her down as he continued to rub her back.
She looked up at him and wiped her tear-filled eyes, “The monster Daddy, the monster in the lake-- I-I saw it Daddy!”
“It was only a bad dream sweetie, it’s over now,” he said comforting her as she leaned her head against his chest and continued to sob some more.
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Post by JessicaTheShark on Feb 25, 2011 1:14:40 GMT -5
Aw, poor Dakota! I would be scared, too. I wonder how long it'll be before she decides to go back to the lake...
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Post by cutiedani21 on Feb 25, 2011 15:24:16 GMT -5
Chapter 3
When she had calmed down, her father carried young Dakota to her bedroom. When he tried to place her on the bed and tuck her in however, with both hands around his neck she clung to him.
“Dakota let go honey,” he said softly trying to pry her off again.
She sniffed and held on tighter as she buried her face into his neck, “Don’t leave me Daddy.”
His heart broke at his daughter’s simple request and he assured her that he wouldn’t leave multiple times until she finally let go of his neck. He tucked her and laid next to her assuring her that everything would be alright. When it appeared as though she finally fell asleep, he maneuvered himself off the bed, careful not to wake her. He looked down at his young daughter as she slept peacefully, clinging to her stuffed bunny.
He smiled; she looked so much like her mother. It was sad how she would never get to know the amazing person his love was. He knelt down and kissed Dakota on the forehead whispering, “Good night,” before he tiptoed out of the room.
~~~~~~
Dakota awoke the next morning, sitting up as she stretched her arms and yawned lazily. The sunlight shined into her room through her window, lighting up her lavender-colored walls. She sat up on her knees as she peaked out the window to look at the morning sky, it was a light aqua color scattered with a few puffed white clouds. She gazed about at the evergreen forest as birds chirped happily, and then down at the crystal waters of the lake. It was then that last night’s events flashed before her eyes.
She couldn’t help but whisper to herself as she gazed cautiously at the waters in the distance, “The lake...”
What about that creature? Was it still there? What was it exactly anyway? A thousand questions flashed through her mind as she recalled last night’s events. She continued to ponder the mystery before she jumped in shock as her father opened the door. She let out a yelped and quickly turned to face the door, sighing when she realized it was only her father.
“What were you doing Dakota?” he asked raising a brow.
“Nothing,” she said softly sitting down onto the bed, and moving so her feet were hanging off the edge. She kicked them playfully as they were too short to reach the floor.
“What would you say If I said I were making pancakes for breakfast?” he said with a smile.
She had to contain herself from jumping as she smiled at him brightly, “Oh yes, with chocolate chips too Daddy?!”
“Yes with chocolate chips too honey,” he laughed as she sprang up from the bed. Her father motioned for her to come out the door and she happily made her way downstairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whatever time it was, whatever she was doing, in whatever room she was in, if there was a window in sight Dakota couldn’t help but gaze out fearfully. And If the lake was in view, she seemed to check every couple of minutes that nothing was there, that she was not being watched.
Her father had seemed to dismiss his daughter’s fears as merely a bad dream. Dakota wasted no time in arguing with her father, she knew he wouldn’t believe her and would simply tell her that she was “making up stories,” or that, “there was no such thing.”
After a week had passed Dakota could feel her nerves eating away at her. She couldn’t continue with this paranoid state for much longer. Yet what other options did she have? She couldn’t simply make her fears go away. Despite the danger that she knew would come with it, Dakota knew the only way to cure her fears would be to march down to the lake’s edge and prove to herself that there was really nothing there.
And so, on a quiet Saturday afternoon as her father worked busily in his office, during which time he did not like to be disturbed, Dakota quietly opened the front door, careful not to attract her father’s attention, and set out down the hill. When her father was busy working he kept his office door shut, and only came out, if he did, once or twice to use the bathroom. It she was going to do this, now was the perfect time.
Dakota hurried down the hill with her pink backpack in tow. Yet as she ran she was careful as to not make too much noise, in fear that there truely was a creature down there. In her bag she carried with her a flashlight, a box of crackers, and her favorite stuffed bunny, whose ears poked out of her bag rendering it too stuffed to zipper all the way.
When she was close enough, she slowly crept behind a tree, the same one she had hid behind the night she spotted the creature, and pressed her back against the it breathing heavily with nervousness.
She debated whether or not to turn back home and run cowardly up the hill, but she assured herself to stay as she whispered aloud, “I can do it.”
Then she slowly inched her head from behind the tree, and peered out at the mysterious lake. Ever so carefully she inched herself out from behind her hiding place and looked curiously at the lake.
There was nothing in the water…nothing at all. She could not tell if the once-glowing cocoon was still in the waters as without its glow, the murky lake water prevented any from seeing the bottom.
But, she smiled to herself, almost completely assured that there really was nothing there. Had she simply imagined it all? It seemed all too real to her however, and she could recall every little detail. No, it was too realistic to be a dream. It couldn’t be, it just couldn't.
She continued to creep closer to the water’s edge, and yet still she could see nothing odd about the lake. It looked just as peaceful as ever.
But it was not until she made her way onto the lake’s sandy shore did she notice something- something that made her gasp in fright as she covered her mouth in shock. She had been right all along. She had seen something that night. Her father was wrong now, she was completely assured. For there only about three ft from her, lying on the shore, lay the creature, that very same creature from that mysterious night. It was the creature from the lake.
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Post by kimgreenday on Feb 25, 2011 16:10:04 GMT -5
Cool! I can't wait to see what happens next! ^_^
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Post by Amayasama on Feb 25, 2011 19:20:55 GMT -5
o.o OH my! How exciting! x3 Although I am curious, how big is this creature? I'm guessing he's a mini-giant, but how big :3
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Post by JessicaTheShark on Feb 25, 2011 19:54:22 GMT -5
I can't wait to find out more about this creature! I wonder if it's some kind of baby giant, since it had just hatched out of that cocoon...? Hee, hee, a giant space baby!
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Post by howlingwolf on Feb 25, 2011 20:54:02 GMT -5
2 updates today?! Yay! I'm really starting to love this story ;D
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shanalogic
New Member
I'm too lazy to turn this stupid thing the right way around.
Posts: 32
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Post by shanalogic on Feb 26, 2011 0:21:56 GMT -5
Wow, amazing, there's so much tension in this story, it constantly leaves me wanting more!
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Post by cutiedani21 on Feb 26, 2011 1:51:09 GMT -5
Wow didn't know I had so many readers @ Amaya- You'll find out @shana, Wolf, Jess, and Kim- Glad that Ive gained ur interest guys. I think my writing has improved considerably compared to my old stories >< Chapter 4 Dakota’s heart beat heavily against her chest as she stood frozen. She was still in utter shock at the sight of the creature in front of her, yet upon a closer look it did not look quite so monsterous. In fact, it did not look rather different from herself. It appeared to be male, and if not for his long scaly tail that looked both fish and snake-like at the same time, and his incredible size, he would appear almost human. Dakota cautiously took a step back. From her observations it seemed as though he were sleeping, or at least he looked like it. Dakota decided that it was either that, or he was dead. She studied him curiously while she stood firm, too fearful to move. His face appeared to be that of a seven, maybe eight year old boy, and yet he looked to be about anywhere from 20-40ft in size. Sprawled out on the sand as he was, it was difficult to tell exactly how large the creature was. Dakota, although still fearful of him, was glad that the creature was not so scary looking, as ignoring his size, he appeared much less threatening looking then Dakota had imagined he would be. She stood there frozen for what seemed like forever. Her body was numb with both shock and fear, and she found herself unable to move. Dakota could not formulate any sort of plan or decision as to what to do next. But she had realized that if the creature had seen her, he likely would’ve done something by now. She knew that she had to make a choice. She could run back home and be a coward, or she could gather her courage and do something else, observe the creature, maybe even learn something else about it. Most importantly however, she desperately wanted to know if he was actually still alive. His chest was heaving slowly up and down, but as a young child Dakota did not particularly notice this detail, and had she, she would certainly not have linked such a fact to the conclusion that he was alive. Instead, Dakota carefully slid one of the straps of her backpack off her shoulder and then the other as she swung her bag in front of her. She unzipped it ever so slowly and peaked inside for a moment, before her eyes darted back to the creature making sure that he hadn’t moved. Then she stuck her hand into the cracker box, making quite a bit of noise, but nevertheless, she pulled out a large cracker. She held her backpack in front of her chest with both hands, as though it would serve as some sort of protection, while cupping the cracker between her thumb and finger as well. Then she flung the tiny cracker at the creature. Immediately she braced herself for an attack, and pulled her backpack over her face as she bent her knees. When nothing happened, she slowly lowered the bag and peaked at the creature. He was still not moving….the cracker had hit him lightly and bounced off. She bit her lip as she tried to think of an alternative plan. The only other solution she could come up with was to throw more crackers. And so Dakota dug her hand once again into the cracker box and flung the tiny crackers at the creature. Each time they were unsuccessful, merely hitting the creature and then bouncing off only to land in the sand. It was not until the 6th cracker that she concluded her plan was not working. She zipped her bag up as best as she could, with her bunny’s ears still poking out, and then swung the bag back onto her back carefully. She brought her finger to her lip as she thought of an alternative plan. The only other object in sight that she could throw at the creature was a rock to her left about the size of her palm. She smiled triumphantly as she bent down carefully and picked it up. Then she brought her hand back, and closed her eyes tightly and she chucked it at him. She heard a soft thud, and then proceeded to open her eyes slowly. She missed….by a lot at that. The rock was lying in the sand a good 6ft from the creature. But, she was almost sure by now that creature was dead. In the amount of time she had spent standing in that one spot he hadn’t moved even the slightest inch. Not to mention, even after she had pelted him with crackers. She felt much safer now that she believed he was dead, and found enough courage to walk slowly onto the sandy shore. She knelt down squatting for a moment before she pressed her knees onto the sandy floor, and sat on top of them. She sat in that position, only about two ft from the creature for a good two minutes as she stared at him deeply, confirming to herself that he was most certainly dead. Then, just to make sure, she reached forward so that she was now on her hands and knees. Dakota inhaled a deep breath, her heart felt as though it were about to burst out of her chest, but she gathered up all of her courage, she herself could not even believe what she was about to do. She reached out her hand and poked the creature slowly. In that first half of a second, she nearly let out a sigh of relief when there was no reaction, then, to her dismay she let out an involuntary frightened gasp as the creature opened up its large green-blue eye, with its gaze locked on her. Just so you know, he looks sorta like a water naga merman thingy Kinda like this: browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=aquatic+naga#/dkrfbwBut not exactly…and male plus he’s got a fin-like thingy at the end of his tail I don’t know use your imagination ><
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Post by JessicaTheShark on Feb 26, 2011 2:02:44 GMT -5
LOL, the part where she starts chucking crackers at him made me laugh! XD Sounds like something I would do, lol. I like the description of the creature! The visual in the link helped, too.
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emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Feb 26, 2011 17:11:32 GMT -5
Dear Lord, I gotta stop being a hermit D: I just read this story, and love it! The cracker part made me laugh and go 'aww' at the same time X3 I'm 16, and I probably would've done the same thing :I
Anyway, this is awesome; can't wait for more 83
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Post by Amayasama on Feb 26, 2011 17:26:39 GMT -5
XD You know I almost expected her to throw the bunny at him! x3 And I have noticed that your writing has changed ^w^ You've improved, dear!
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Post by 8901234568766 on Feb 26, 2011 20:28:03 GMT -5
Oh my gosh!!! I love this story!! Please comntinue! But take your time, I'm not rushing you I swear.
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Post by cutiedani21 on Feb 27, 2011 2:41:30 GMT -5
Sorry this chapter is on the short side ><
and I've been updating so frequently because I'm on break, but for the most part for now on I'll be mostly updating only on weekends.
@89012345....- Welcome to the site! Glad you like my story. Just wondering, is there a nickname u want to be called?
@ Amaya- I was considering having Dakota throw the bunny, but it is rather precious to her as it was from her mother.
@emily and Sharkie- I would totally throw crackers too >.<
Chapter 5
Dakota let out a loud scream and jumped falling backwards onto her butt. She looked at the creature, certain that he would be angry with her for waking him, but found herself in too much shock to move.
“P-Please d-don’t hurt me,” she managed to squeak, and then whimpered apologetically,“I-I’m sorry I woke you.”
The Creature merely groaned and rolled onto his side so that he was facing her, and Dakota scrambled backwards with a yelp. But to her surprise he just laid there, in fact, he didn’t look as though he had any intent to attack her at all. He just laid there lazily clutching his arm as if he were in pain, and if anything, his eyes were not angry like that of a monster, but rather they seemed to be pleading with her, begging for her help.
She tilted her head and looked at him curiously as he sniffed biting his lip as though he were in terrible pain as he looked at Dakota with heartbreaking tear-filled eyes.
“Huh?” she questioned confused as she looked closer, he seemed to be trying to attract her attention to something, but more importantly he seemed to be in excruciating pain.
“W-what is it?” she asked curiously as she cautiously moved onto her hands and knees again and leaned forward slightly as she observed the odd creature.
He removed his grip from his arm and turned the limb toward her to reveal a massive gash down the majority of his upper arm.
Dakota gasped in shock and stuttered weakly, “You’re- You’re hurt.”
It was no minor wound, in fact it was rather deep, and looked as though it were starting to become infected. From what she could tell, he appeared to be considerably injured.
He nodded his head slowly his face looked as though he were burning with pain.
He nodded his head? Did that mean he understood what she had asked him? But how could he, he had fallen from the sky hadn’t he? How was it possible that he had understood her?
There was only one way to find out.
And so Dakota gathered her voice and questioned, “Can you understand me?” softly as she inched ever closer.
He nodded his head slowly again, bringing his arm in protectively once again.
“W-what do you want?” she said still a bit fearful.
He looked at her for a moment, his eyes locked on hers. As they stared into each other’s eyes, the few seconds of silence seemed to last for forever. The gaze itself seemed to tell both girl and alien that they meant each other no harm, that they could trust one another.
He swallowed, as though he were nervous, yet desperate for her help, and then the young creature managed to find his voice.
His tear-filled eyes pleaded with her as he whimpered to her softly:
"Help me.”
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