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Post by natalie on Jun 12, 2009 23:45:06 GMT -5
Really good character developement. I like it!!, like the intense drama. Awesome update!
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Post by LightHeart on Jun 12, 2009 23:50:13 GMT -5
thanks!...Is it just me or is Maxie and Minnie drifting apart?
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Post by natalie on Jun 12, 2009 23:53:19 GMT -5
Your Welcome!! Yeah, I agree, I think it makes for a good storyline.
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Post by cheesiechan on Jun 13, 2009 8:45:11 GMT -5
Wow, this is a very good story! Besides a few spelling errors, the story is well written! Very good! Here's a couple tips though that will help you along: When writing dialouge between two people, it makes it a bit easier to read if it isn't all clumped together in a single paragraph. And "mourning" means sadness. The one you're looking for is "morning". I hope that helps! ^^ Keep up the excellent work! I can't wait to see what happens next!
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Post by LightHeart on Jun 13, 2009 13:46:39 GMT -5
Curse me and my spelling of words....Thanks Cheese!
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Post by LightHeart on Jun 13, 2009 15:17:58 GMT -5
Chapter 3--Reconnecting
Maximum's eyes never left me as I walked to the table farthest from him. I took a quick peek at him,then I looked down at the table. His eyes was puffy as if he had been crying all night long. I sighed and fingered my hair. Something in me said that this wasn't right,treating him this way. I told the feeling that it wasn't right for him to take that lives of the scientist...even if they could have killed me. "Two wrongs don't make a right." I mumbled to myself.
"Whatcha mumbling 'bout, Minnie?"
The sudden voice nearly made me jump out of my skin. I looked up to see that a young girl with brown hair and different colored eyes was sitting at my table. Omega, another failed experiment. "Nothing,Omega," I lied, "nothing at all." Omega nodded then looked to my brother. She leaned in closer to me," You two still ain't talking?"
"He lost my trust...He'll have to earn it back now."
"Ah, but will you let him?"
I turned away; would I let Maximum earn my trust again? I don't know. "He's all the family you got,Minnie...and you all he gots." Her grammar was horrible,but it did get it's point across.
"You don't understand!" I whispered fiercely,"What he did was--"
"Was unforgivable. Yes,yes I knows." She hissed. Omega looked at me with her one blue eye and her one black eye. "Minima, Tell me the truth...Aren't you glad Maximum did what he did? There was a reason...I sneaked into the research room the day before Maxie exploded. I saw that if they had injected you one more time, you woulds have died... I tolds him to stay in there while you're tests were agoin...and well...youse know the rest."
I looked at her,then to Maximum and back at her again,"You knew?"
Omega nodded," Go on over there and talk to your brother. Be glad he's livin'" With that being said, Omega walked into the hallway. I contemplated her words...Maybe I should talk to him. But the fact that I was scared stiff of him still remand...What was I to do?
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Post by giantblackcat on Jun 13, 2009 15:25:27 GMT -5
;D!!
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Post by LightHeart on Jun 13, 2009 17:39:57 GMT -5
You like?
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Post by giantblackcat on Jun 13, 2009 17:47:20 GMT -5
Yes! ^^!
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Post by giantblackcat on Jun 13, 2009 17:47:41 GMT -5
Yes! ^^!
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Post by LightHeart on Jun 13, 2009 18:09:19 GMT -5
^^!
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Post by Amayasama on Jun 13, 2009 18:20:50 GMT -5
^0^ Yes Minnie go talk to your big bro! ;^; He was just trying to help! x3 I'm hoping some cuddling is coming up xD <3 But I did notice one mistake in my first read: I told the feeling that it wasn't right for him to take that likes life of the scientist.
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Post by LightHeart on Jun 13, 2009 18:48:42 GMT -5
I can't do crud right... Thank you for points out my mistake,Ama....Now i'm going to hit myself with a dictionary....
*Warning: Intense cuddling and bad grammar in next post...You have be warned....now go eat a cookie!!!*
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Post by Amayasama on Jun 13, 2009 19:24:04 GMT -5
XD *flails and eats a cookie* x3 That's alright darling I'm here to help!
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Post by natalie on Jun 13, 2009 22:08:35 GMT -5
Yahoo!! I like it!! Great update!!
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Post by LightHeart on Jun 13, 2009 23:06:25 GMT -5
Chapter 3 --cont.
I decided to take Omega's advise. After all, I can't be mad a him forever...He'll start acting out. I walked over to the towering table that my brother was seated at and pulled on his pants leg. He looked down at me and a faint smile played across his face.
"Hey, Minnie..." He wanted to say more but he couldn't find the right words. I held my head down, "...Maxie...I-I-I-I-I j-j-j-j-just wanted to s-s-s-s-say that...I...I...don't think you're a monster. I...I should have never said those things...You...You were only trying to help me...Maxie, You're..you're...you're all I have in the whole wide world. It was wrong off me to try and push you away because...you're a giant. I love you...And I hope that you can forgive me for being a selfish fool."
I waited for his reaction; would he be mad? The suspense was killing me so I looked up only to see his hand scoop me up. Then next thing I know is that I was being pressed against something soft and warm; it didn't take me that long to figure out that it was his cheek.
"Minnie, I should be the one who apologizes. I just wanted you to be happy and save. I didn't realize that I was driving you away. You all I have, too! I wouldn't know what would have done if you were hurt."
((Small I know...but it's eleven o'clock ...and i need some shut eye.))
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Post by giantblackcat on Jun 14, 2009 1:00:39 GMT -5
Soo sweeet!! ·w·!!!
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Post by natalie on Jun 14, 2009 1:03:21 GMT -5
Aww, they made up!! I agree with giantblackcat, its sweet!!!
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Post by LightHeart on Jun 14, 2009 8:22:41 GMT -5
Thanks! I'll post more today!
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Post by LightHeart on Jun 14, 2009 10:42:38 GMT -5
Chapter 3-cont.
Maxie cuddled me to his face. I couldn't believe that I was scared of him;just because he's a few hundred feet tall..and went though semi-regular mood swings...didn't mean the he wasn't my brother.
" I love you with all my being, Minne. I'll never, ever let anything bad happen to you." cooed Maxie.
I nodded and kissed his cheek. I really was being a fool; I was too blinded by fear to see how much he cared. After our "make-up", Maxie and I sat in the field behind the building as usual. "Remember when we were at home...and we use to sit out like this at night and count the stars?...Sometimes I wish we could just go back." I wiped my eyes and looked to the clear blue sky.
How can this be the same sky? So much has changed since 59 years ago...We've changed...All those nights were we sat with our family...Are they etched in the sky...or have they been tossed in the wind. Forgotten by all,Missed by no one...like me and Maxie.
Same sky...different world. When did it go wrong?
"Minima! Maximum!" A voice called to us.
We turned our heads to see that it was Dr. Macintosh, the head doctor and scientist.
"Yes, Doctor? What is it?" Maxie inquired.
"The team and I have been thinking...to release you two so you can live normal lives."
"Normal?! How??? I'm 248 feet tall and Minnie...well...She could pull it off, but I cannot!!!"
The doctor laughed and waved it off." We've prepared for this, Maximum! Don't worry! There is a nearby town that has been prepare for your arrival!"
Maxie raised an glossy snow white eyebrow, "And how long have you been...working on this?"
"Going on 5 years now." she piped happily.
Maxie rolled his eyes. He got up am went back into the building. "If you need me, Hon, you know where I am."
I looked at Dr. Macintosh.Was she serious? She wanted to put us back in civilization? "Pack your things Minnie cause you're leaving in the morning!!"
...This woman is nuts.
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