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Jun 23, 2010 15:54:05 GMT -5
Post by Amayasama on Jun 23, 2010 15:54:05 GMT -5
o.o Ohh another dimension? XD Dude this is fabulous! >> Though I wonder...if Aiden's dreams are with their sizes switched does that mean that Aiden is gunna have an incoming when he crosses the border? XD Oh my god I'd love to see his face!!
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Jun 23, 2010 23:55:16 GMT -5
Post by whisperer on Jun 23, 2010 23:55:16 GMT -5
@ezza: Relaaax. @ama: That's... an extremely interesting idea.
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"Well?" asked Cormack. "They, uh." "They, uh, what?" questioned Una. "They'll let me return you personally, I think, but they also want me to work for them." Cormack's face looked skeptical. "Work for them? Doing what?" "Not as a janitor." I quipped, trying to lighten the mood. No one laughed. "Err, they want me to be an ambassador." "You?" he asked, appearing to be in shock. "That's what I was thinking. Apparently, they don't want someone who was boring, or specifically trained to deal with new people. I dunno." "That's bizarre." "Yeah. It doesn't make sense, I think." "But, Aiden!" cried Una. "How we going to... I don't know, still talk?" "I really wish I knew." I said softly as I sat down in the chair in front of her. I leaned towards her, and began to speak again. "Maybe when I'm not working. Or, whatever it'd be called." I ran a hand through my hair and looked away. "This is just too weird." I felt a tug my my sleeve. Looking down, I realized that it was Una recapturing my attention. "When I said I wanted to go home, I didn't mean that I didn't want you to come with!" I was touched. "I'm really sorry, Una." I said honestly. "I really want to spend time with you. But this is the only way that I'll be able to have a chance to still see you. I mean, if I don't take this job, I have no idea what'd happen." I didn't like to talk to her like this, but I didn't have a choice. She looked down. I swear I saw a tear drip from her eye. "I'll be in the car out front. Meet me there." said Cormack before he stood up, and took his leave. Once he was gone, I leaned in slightly closer to Una. I put a fingertip under her chin, and gently lifted it up. She looked at me, her normally beautiful amethyst eyes now reddening. "Una, I promise you that we'll still see each other. I promise that, no matter what." She rested her hands on my finger for a moment, sniffling. But shortly after, she hugged onto them both tightly and buried her face.
I waited for a few minutes to let Una get it out of her system. The whole time, I softly rubbed a finger up and down her back. After a while, she finally looked back up at me. "I'm ready." she said with half a smile.
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Okay, chapter over. See, I haven't been posting this story chapter-by-chapter, (In case that wasn't obvious :v) but rather by scenes where I thought it'd be appropriate to cut off. Yeah, in hindsight, that was a bad idea, but it's kinda too late now. New chapter starts nao
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It was Una's first time in a car, and she was taking it pretty well. Not that I was expecting her to freak, but still. She sat calmly on my right knee. "Alright, we're coming 'round the bend." announced Cormack. Whatever that was supposed to mean. I found out in a second, once my body lurched to the left. The first thing I did was secure my hands around Una, so that she wouldn't be tossed around. "Jeez-" I muttered. "Well, I warned you, didn't I?" I didn't answer, and instead, disregarded it. I looked out the window. It was a cloudy day, although none of them were rainclouds. Just regular white puffs littering the sky. "We're here." he stated, pulling the car into park. I snapped my line of sight out of the clouds, and looked forward. We were at some entrance to the woods. But not the same path I was on when I jumped off the cliff. "I don't think this is the right path, Officer Cormack." "Officer Cormack? Call me Bill." "Sure thing." "As for the path, I don't know which one it is, so you're going to have to just look for it. Sorry. But I'm sure they all pass each other sooner or later in there." "You're probably right." I said as I put my hand on the door handle. "Hey, Bill?" "Yeah?" "Thanks. Really, thanks for everything." "Don't thank me. Just get out of my car, and go make the human race proud." After a short chuckle, I jiggled the door handle and stood outside.
Once the door behind me was closed, Bill pulled away. I stood there, holding Una at about waist-height, until the drone of the car's engine was unable to be heard. His comment really hit me. 'Make the human race proud.' "What're you thinking, Aiden?" "Una, do you think I can do this? I mean, be an ambassador?" She looked at me with, at first, a blank stare. Then developed it into a smile. "Absolutely." That gave me all the confidence I needed. I took a step forward, and was on my way into the Dularow Woods.
After only a few short minutes of walking around, I had to admit that I was lost. It's not my fault; he dropped me off in a spot that I've never been to before. The first thing I tried was walking towards the direction that I thought The Cyclon would be in, but the path I walked on twisted and turned every which way. I soon came to a fork. I'd given up on trusting my own instinct, and decided to ask Una for her opinion. "Which way?" "I'd say left." "Left it is, then." I replied, and headed off in the direction.
A bit later, I was surprised to see the same path that I had taken a few days ago. "Una, you were right!" I exclaimed. "But I said left..." "Yeah, y-" and then it hit me. "Ohhh, Una." She didn't add anything to the conversation, and instead looked back towards the path we were on, giggling to herself. I still don't know if she tries to act silly, or if she just really is. Nevertheless, I continued onward, yet couldn't help but think about our futures. Soon enough, Una was going to be reunited with her people, and I was going to start a new life altogether. And maybe that's for the better. I mean, this one sure wasn't all that great. I had no idea of what I'd do otherwise, what I'd do after school, what I'd do for a job, or anything. So, really, this whole thing could be great for me.
As I thought this, I came across another fork, which had the path leading to The Cyclon. The reality of how soon this was all going to happen hit me in the gut. And it hit me hard. What am I thinking?! I know practically nothing about social interactions, let alone, how to address Kings, Queens, Rulers, or whatever they call their leaders! And freaky looking alien ones at that?! I was now imagining myself huddled into a corner, with a great big monster standing over me. He'd be offended, surely. I wouldn't know his customs. Maybe when I met him, I was supposed to put a foot behind my head as a sign of respect. Just as I was about to visualize him eating me, Una snapped me out of it. "Aiden! I can hear your heartbeat again!" she said as she reached up, and set her left hand on my chest. "Relax already." I can't believe it. The same person who was crying back at the house was telling me to calm down. But she's right. I stopped walking for a moment to take a deep breath. "I'm just... paranoid, really." "Don't worry. It'll work out." she replied reassuringly. I smirked and took off walking again. When I looked up, I realized that I was at the entrance.
In front of the tree was a team of people in dark khaki uniforms that resembled doctor's scrubs. "'Bout time! We were starting to think that you wouldn't show up!" I tensed at this. What was that supposed to mean? "Hey, hey! Relax, kid - I was kidding!" he said quickly after noticing my reaction. "Yeah, hilarious." I said sarcastically, after a breather. I looked around the clearing, and noticed another addition to the area. A jeep. I gave it a puzzled look. "Wanna guess how we got that in here?" asked the man with a big grin. I turned around towards the path that I came from. There were no visible tire tracks, or anything else that'd give away that a vehicle drove through it. "The other side of the portal?" "Aww." his grin quickly dissipated, and a disappointed look took its place. "You got it." he said emotionlessly. This was a strange man. He was more energetic than I had guessed the person that I'd meet would be. Actually, at first, I thought it'd be Dr. Ethan. But this man's voice was clearly different from his, and he looked much too young to be talking about spending "decades" working on this project. As a matter of fact, he didn't look much older than myself. Maybe in his early-mid-twenties. "So, who're you?" "I'm Mitch Finn. I already know that you must be Aiden Check." he replied. He then took a few steps forward, leaned over, and got face to face with Una. "And you're Una, right, Inthian?" he asked with a smile on his face. "Huh?" she asked, confusion evident. "Your name, dear." he restated. "No, after that. What'd you say?" "Inthian. That's what your people are called, right? I'm sure I'm probably pronouncing it wrong, though."
To say the least, Una looked startled. She put a hand to her head, and stared in no particular direction, not focusing on anything. "Is she alright?" asked Mitch. "I'm not sure - Una? You there?" Her eyes shut for a moment, before opening slowly. "I'm. I. Uh, yeah. I just... had a... memory." "A flashback?" tested Mitch. He looked towards me, and said, "Not a very verbal one, is she?" I shot him an annoyed look, and looked back at Una. "What happened?" I asked. "I think I saw my home. It was blue. Really weird." she said mechanically, as if her mind was still rusted from her flashback. "That's Inth, alright. The grass, err, if you can call it that, is blue over there. Crazy stuff, really." Mitch commented.
I lifted Una up a bit closer to me. "You ready to see your home?" I asked. Her spirits lifted up at the thought. She went from being dazed, to a sudden smile. "Yeah." "Well alright then!" boomed Mitch, almost as if he were trying to ruin the mood. "So, no bags, huh, Aiden?" "Oh! No, was I suppo-" "No extra clothing?" "Nope." "And I'm willing to bet that you didn't even bring ID." "You guessed it." I admitted. I rubbed the back of my neck, ashamed at how little I actually thought this through. "Great to hear!" he elated. I paused for a moment, hand still behind my head. "Huh?" "Well, any bags would slow us down. We've got clothing for you - a uniform just like this!" he said as he tugged on his shirt. "And we already know that you're Aiden Check, so ID isn't needed." I gave a sigh, and put my hand back down, below Una.
I decided to change the subject. "What would happen if - hypothetically - I didn't take this job?" "We wouldn't let you use the portal. At least, until they become public use." "Is that it? Not, 'We'd kill you, and your entire family'?" "Kid... you need to stop watching so many movies. We're not 'out to get you', y'know." I laughed at this, although it was more of a nervous laugh that I used to lighten my own mood. "So, I can use the portals?" "You can use any of them. Whenever you want, as long as you've filled out the papers to let the people on the other side know that you're coming. As far as we know, most others are being hush-hush about this whole thing for now as well." "And how do I work them? I know that I have to use the pedestals, but how do I know where they're sending me?" "Good question. Thing is, when you press on them, they actually say where they're sending you." "So, a portal only sends you to one place?" "You mean, do they send you to more than one dimension?" I nodded. "No. Each one has a pre-set dimension that they send you to. Let's have a demonstration. Set the girl down on it." I looked at Una, who nodded back to me. I slowly placed her down on the pedestal.
I certainly wasn't expecting what happened next. As soon as her bare feet touched it, it started to hum. Not a loud, overbearing hum, but a calm hum. And then, barred lights worked their way from the bottom to the top of the figure, in an ornate foreign pattern. They all came to a close in a circle around Una, who looked transfixed. The humming came to a stop, as a clean robotic voice rang from the tree. "Qree, Inth, Dimension Five." Once the sentence was finished, the same opening Una came from erupted into swirls of color, albeit curiously more controlled this time. "You're probably wondering why it's not flying all over the sky, huh?" "Pretty much, yeah." I admitted. "It was actually never meant to. Just a malfunction that we fixed." he said with a grin. "Oh, and, you can pick the girl back up again." he said, flashing a smile down to her. As I did so, she chose instead to lie down in my hand, rather than sit in it. "Yeah, that'll happen. It drains you a bit." Mitch explained.
The humming was now coming from the base of the tree. The colors were still swirling with each other, but now were combining all together in a solid motion. After a moment, they were all one - a dull gray color. The movement came to a stop, and the humming quieted. "Alright, it's settled." explained Mitch. "Now, there's something I have to tell you, first." he started, turning serious. I took a gulp, and nodded. "There's not much to the portal system. You just walk through. But be aware that it's going to feel weird. You know that feeling you get when you break the surface from underwater?" "Yeah." "That's what it's going to feel like. Another thing, we're going to be taking the jeep in." He patted on the jeep. "So hop in." he said, shortly before opening a door and taking a seat in the driver's position.
I tentatively took a look at the jeep. This really was it. In a minute, I'd actually be in a different dimension. But this excitement died immediately at another realization. I was taking Una home. And I wouldn't see her for possibly a long time. But I would see her again. There's simply no chance that I'd let her go without a reassurance that I'd see her again. We were in love. A very strange love, but love. I felt movement in my palm. I looked down to see Una rubbing her hand across it. As we made eye contact, neither of us said anything. I lifted her up to my face, taking her in. It was a weird feeling, love. Not only that, but to be in love with someone who fit in the palm of your hand. I shook the feeling off, and brought her in closer.
We kissed.
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THE END
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Jun 24, 2010 0:18:08 GMT -5
Post by whisperer on Jun 24, 2010 0:18:08 GMT -5
You don't really think I'd end this without some closure, right? _________ EPILOGUE
And that was that for Aiden and Una's time on Earth. She was returned to her home, and Aiden began a new life as an Ambassador for humanity. Over the course of a handful of years, he had met with a few of the species from every dimension that had been discovered, as of yet. His nervousness was well-placed in the job, as the culture shock both given and received to and from the other creatures made for many awkward moments. Although, there were no cases of violence between the other sentient beings and humans. And the difference between humans like Aiden, and Inthians like Una were certainly not the most abstract. There were creatures that were well over thirty feet tall, there were some that flew, some that swam. In collection, the dimensions' people looked like quite the menagerie. The two were able to keep in contact with one another in the form of written letters, which they sent to each other frequently. Aiden, talking about his new encounters, and Una, talking about her home. She never found her parents, or any of her family. However, she was taken in by what could be translated as a tribe, or a group, of her people. The meetings with all dimensions' Ambassadors went by slowly. There were many groups, and much to discuss. How could they help each other? Who wanted foreigners in their lands? Who didn't? How would they break this news to their people? But progress was still being made. It was estimated that in five years time, the portals would finally be made for public use. The portals themselves, were growing greater in number. It seemed that a new one was made every other month. And the human scientists, now able to collaborate with other great minds, were discovering more and more new dimensions. No number had been settled on how many there might just be, and some suggested that it may be infinite. There was one dimensions that astounded everyone. A blank one, devoid of any and all life. There were no people to claim it, and it was being decided as to what would be done with it. Some suggested using it as a keystone for the dimensions, a place nearly entirely filled with portals. No matter what the case, all were excited, although a bit frightened at first in some cases, to find that other dimensions existed. There was, for now, peace.
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Jun 24, 2010 0:50:13 GMT -5
Post by whisperer on Jun 24, 2010 0:50:13 GMT -5
Now it's fun time!
TRU FAX: -This was originally written around Spring '09, with a totally different storyline. Una was going to be a giantess. I know, right? Thing is, I've just seen so many... questionable giantess stories, that I wanted to prove clean ones could be written. (Not that they haven't already, but the vast majority is... ugh.) Anyway, once I got about 1/5th of the way through the story, my computer died, and I lost the whole thing! My muse completely and utterly refused to cooperate with me, and didn't let me rewrite it. Some time over the summer of '09, I StumbleUpon'd NaNoWriMo. I took part when it came around, but decide to write it with Una being the tiny. It just made more sense, I guess. I've had thoughts about rewriting this once again, and finally finishing it the original way, but I can't imagine that actually happening.
-This being linked to the whole portals and other dimensions and stuff? Yeah, I had no clue I'd end up doing that when I started. See, all that came from a dream I had during the summer of '09, in which I just saw some weird looking monster-guy flying around and helping tiny people. I went to write a short story about it the next day, and ended up writing some weird plotline with 12 dimensions, all different and stuffs. When writing this during NaNo, I thought, "Where in the heck is she from???" and figured some dimension in that plotline would be pretty cool.
-As of right now, I have some plans to further that story with the dimensions and all, but... it's not G/t. At least, not for the most part. Sorry! The most there is is the 30' tall creatures and other stuff like that, but nothing that'll legitimately qualify it for posting here
-The inspiration from this was from every story I've ever read involving G/t. From the really good ones that told me what to do, to the not so good ones that told me what not to do. And it's thanks to everyone that this thing is here.
-This was originally titled Trial and Terror (Which, btw, I still love and will probably use it for something else some day). I changed it because it didn't seem to fit so well. So then I went with Peanut Butter, because it was just something random from the story. I didn't think it would last. It then went to Mirror, to symbolize how Una could be seen as a reflection of Aiden. Then A Different Kind of Mirror. And then I read an article about how a writer gets to use mirrors once in their careers without sounding pretentious. Now, I'm not going to take that side myself, but they made a point about it being cliché. So, I went with Imprint, and that stuck. The double meaning of it - as in imprint in the ground left by, say, a giant, and imprint, as in the psychology term - makes me like it the most.
-My favorite characters that didn't survive the edit: The guy who was offended by Una saying "That's boring!", thinking it was Aiden, referring to his suit. He then said "This is designer!" and stomped off, in a catwalk fashion. Aiden then replied "I didn't know they made designer jumpsuits." Jim and Jim, father and son, and Aiden's next-door neighbors. They were very casual, and spoke with southern accents. In the scene where Officer Cormack enters the house - what originally happened was Aiden snuck out the back door with Una, only to be caught by these two.
-Aiden and Una are left handed. You might have noticed they favored their left hands in some scenes.
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Jun 24, 2010 0:52:02 GMT -5
Post by whisperer on Jun 24, 2010 0:52:02 GMT -5
Okay, now that this is finished, it'd be really awesome and helpful if you guys could tell me some things. Where do you think it was its weakest? What parts need work? Where was its strongest? What did you like the best? And finally...
I love all of you. And I'd like to thank everyone reading this - literally everyone. From the people who left such nice comments, to the people without profiles who just read it. All it took was one pageview to know that people were still interested. And that kept me motivated, and motivation is what I really needed. Thank you, thank you so much.
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Jun 24, 2010 2:30:20 GMT -5
Post by aspired2inspire on Jun 24, 2010 2:30:20 GMT -5
*enthusiastic clapping and cheering* That was brilliant!!! GOLD STAR!!!! ;D ;D So to answer your questions.... Where was it weakest/what parts need work?I don't really think there is anything in the story that is weak enough to destroy interest in the reader or cause confusion, but I guess I could say that the ending was a little sped up. You kinda lost Aiden's mom in the process somewhere (she tells Cormack that Aiden is in the kitchen, but she doesn't come up anywhere when Aiden goes to leave with Cormack to demand to know what is going on or something) and I guess I was wondering about what was to become of Chad's mom, but I guess she's too minor to talk about in the very end. Where was it strongest?You throw a lot of mystery and humor into this throughout the whole thing. I couldn't stop reading due to wanting to know what Una was and what her flashbacks meant, and all the randomness of the "radioactive squirrels" and UFO-crazy hillbillies really gave life to this story. What did you like the best?I'm not quite sure what I like the best. Maybe it's that the characters aren't 2-D and awkward, but actually think things in a way that I might, and therefore are realistic. Maybe it's how unique the whole situation is. I haven't quite seen a G/T story like this one. Maybe it's how clean it is; although I have seen A LOT of good stories that had to use plenty of asterisks (so no offense to anybody here who write those) I do usually get kind of edgy around those stories....I guess I'm wimpy. But I know what I did NOT like the best. You never put real radioactive squirrels into the story. I was hoping that you'd say in the end that Aiden met ambassadors from another dimension who were radioactive squirrels with rainbow tails who could shape shift and be awesome. But nooooo..... (lol jk ^_^) I love this story! You're a great writer! ;D
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Jun 24, 2010 10:42:02 GMT -5
Post by ezzabezza on Jun 24, 2010 10:42:02 GMT -5
*rubs back of neck* ^^'' sorry. i guess i got a bit carried away.... ANNNYWAYS a happy ending after all ;D
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Jun 24, 2010 15:33:19 GMT -5
Post by Amayasama on Jun 24, 2010 15:33:19 GMT -5
^^ I'll do my part like Aspired did
Where do you think it was its weakest? I think it was a little iffy around the middle when the parents found out about Una. I certainly like that they accepted her but it almost seemed too easy, and the fact that the bully died. (XD Even though he deserved it!) Perhaps if you rewrite it or something he could have been transported to another dimension to get rid of him. I just think that Una and Aiden got over the kill rather quickly.
What parts need work? ^^ I think pretty much everything is okay but lengthening the time would need a little work. I feel like all of this took place in such a short amount of time (in the story that is). ;D Just do a little time skips throughout it and I think it's good!
Where was its strongest? ^0^ Oh my god I loved the interactions between the characters, it went very smoothly and I loved how they got closer to each other ;D You did a very good job creating your characers
What did you like the best? I think I like the beginning the most when Una and Aiden are just learning about each other x3 They're too cute not to love, and the beginning was rather funny ^^ So I think I liked that best.
Overall this is a great story ;D You have some comedy in there, some plot twists, all that fun stuff. ^^ Good job dear, you finished your first story on G/T Boards 8D
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Jun 29, 2010 18:18:39 GMT -5
Post by whisperer on Jun 29, 2010 18:18:39 GMT -5
@a2i: Hollly smokes, how did I leave that out?! (Aiden not saying goodbye to his parents) XD Oh, I feel stupid... And about the radioactive squirrels - the original plan was to include a joke ending where Una takes off a costume, revealing she's a radioactive squirrel. And then not update for like a month, before saying "Just kidding!" and posting the real ending. But that seemed way too mean. And thank you very much for the feedback!
@ezza: It's alright :D And yeah, a happy ending was necessary. I couldn't end this on a sad note, because I'm a wimp. :B
@ama: Yeah, they were a bit less freaked out than they should have been, weren't they? (Aiden's parents) And now that I think about it, this all took place in, what, three? four? days? Yeash. If - hopefully, when - I rewrite this, I'll definitely try to stretch it out a bit more. But, for now, I've got a few other ideas I want to write out first. Luckily, it's summer break, and I'll have plenty of time to do this sort of thing! But we'll see. And thank you as well for the feedback.
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Jun 30, 2010 18:10:05 GMT -5
Post by aspired2inspire on Jun 30, 2010 18:10:05 GMT -5
@a2i: Hollly smokes, how did I leave that out?! (Aiden not saying goodbye to his parents) XD Oh, I feel stupid... And about the radioactive squirrels - the original plan was to include a joke ending where Una takes off a costume, revealing she's a radioactive squirrel. And then not update for like a month, before saying "Just kidding!" and posting the real ending. But that seemed way too mean. And thank you very much for the feedback! You're welcome! ^_^ ....And that would have been so hilarious! Aiden would've freaked out so bad....("What the heck??? I just kissed a radioactive squirrel in a suit?!?!" XD)
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Post by whisperer on Jul 5, 2010 1:28:12 GMT -5
Okay, everyone, this'll (probably) be the last time I post in this thread, so you don't have to worry about me bumping a finished story anymore >_> Remember all that crap I said about a proof copy? Well, I just got back from a camping trip, to find it in the mail! Which is awesome timing, since my birthday was on the 2nd! (I'm now 18 - now I can buy cigarettes, be tried in a court of law as an adult, vote, and a bunch of other stuff I'm never going to do) It's 8x10in, since that's the way it transferred as an .rtf to a .pdf, and I dunno how to change it... So it's 70 pages, although if the pages were normally sized, it'd be about 200. Enough rambling! The blacked out bar below the title is my name <_< Also, while camping, I had some ideas for a new story - and I've started writing it down. But Imma do like I did for Imprint, meaning that I'm going to finish it first, then post the rewrite. Just to make sure I can post a whole story, since I don't know for sure if I'll finish it. But I've got it pretty much shelled out, so don't worry!
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Jul 5, 2010 21:19:02 GMT -5
Post by Amayasama on Jul 5, 2010 21:19:02 GMT -5
^^ Ohh congrats, it must be exciting ^0^ Oh and happy belated birthday XD
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