emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Apr 11, 2010 20:03:51 GMT -5
Hey people, as you probably know, I'm new to the site. I've been reading stuff on this site for awhile, and finally decided to join. I have to say, I never thought that I'd find a site like this, but I'm glad I did!
I'm going to post a story on here that I've been working on for awhile, no title though 'cause I suck at thinking of those (ideas would be greatly appreciated!!!). Please comment and criticize! ;D
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Post by biali on Apr 11, 2010 20:42:54 GMT -5
welcome to the board ^^
I'm looking forward to read your story ^^
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emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Apr 11, 2010 21:11:11 GMT -5
First Chapter! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The rain came pouring down in buckets, drenching Liz completely. Her black hoodie hung heavily on her body as she trudged through the murky forest.
'Stupid rain,' she thought harshly. The mud was seeping up the legs of her jeans and making annoying sucking noises as it tried to steal her combat boots.
Liz cursed her luck. She had been driving from her home in Dallas, trying to get as much distance between her and her parents. She wasn't fighting with them, they were fighting with each other. She hated having to listen to the cruel words they spat at each other, and now that she had her driver's license she had a chance to escape until the storm blew over.
She had decided to go visit her friend Rachael in Austin where she lived in a small apartment just off the SFA campus. Liz's plan flunked though, because her piece of crap white Dodge Ram decided that the middle of nowhere would be a great place to up and die. This just fueled Liz's theory that Killer (that was her name for the truck) was way past her time. She picked up her cell phone to call Rach, but the forests on both sides of her blocked her signal. Greatness.
Fortunately though, luck was on Liz's side, and Killer's issue wasn't a dead battery. She was able to turn on the cab light and read her handy-dandy map that she always kept in her glove compartment. According to it, she would have to hike 5 miles through the forest to her left to get to the nearest town. More greatness.
Liz was reluctant to leave the warmth of Killer at first, after all, it was raining outside. Just as she had decided that she would be content with waiting for rescue, the ground shook violently, causing birds to flee from the forest to her right. Frightened, Liz grabbed her keys, phone, and her map and fled in the direction the map had told her to go.
Now, only a mile into her trek, not only was Liz's phone (her only source of light) about to die, but she could feel own energy draining as well. Her stomach was growling so loud, she feared some random rain-loving, nocturnal hunter would mistake her for a bear. (Yes, a very unlikely story, but the point is her stomach was being annoying.)
Wallowing in her misery, Liz didn't notice the rhythmical thundering noise until it started sending tremors up her legs. She sped up her pace, trying to put as much distance between her and the Earth tremors as she possible. As she sped up though, so did the quakes. She was was at a slow run when she stepped into a small clearing.
After reaching the middle of the field, Liz turned turned towards the direction that she'd come from and bent over, placing her hands on her knees, trying to slow her breathing. 'What on Earth...?' she thought. The tremors had stopped. 'An earthquake maybe?'
She looked down at the ground beneath her for a minute, trying to calm herself and clear her mind.
Just then the earth shook again, and Liz's head shot up. The clouds parted slightly, allowing some of the full moon's light to trickle trough and illuminate the tree-tops. One of the silhouettes wasn't right though. Not only did it tower above the others, it was oddly shaped as well. It almost looked...human.
Liz rubbed her eyes, smearing her thick eyeliner, and tried to squint through the rain. 'Did I pas any cliffs or mountains?' she asked herself, thinking that the figure was perhaps a rock formation.
But then, lightning struck and shed a brief light on the shadowed form. Liz couldn't control the scream that tore from her throat. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope you enjoyed! Chapter 2 soon to come! EDIT: Just went back and fixed some grammar boo-boo's. Gotta hate those x.x
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Post by natalie on Apr 12, 2010 1:08:22 GMT -5
Hi Emily,
Welcome to the board!!
Really great start!! Awesome cliffhanger, what a scary scene!! I can hardly wait to read Chapter 2!! Keep up the good work!!
I like your Twilight Sig at the bottom!!
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Ridel
Youngling
Posts: 68
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Post by Ridel on Apr 12, 2010 8:46:16 GMT -5
Indeed, welcome! I really enjoyed your first chapter, and can't wait to read the next one!
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Post by Amayasama on Apr 12, 2010 15:05:45 GMT -5
^^ Yay! A new member to the family! :3 Welcome to the board honey! ^3^ I have to say I'm curious about what will happen, though I must warn you dear it's easy to rush through stories x3 Don't feel like you need to rush!
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emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Apr 12, 2010 16:39:15 GMT -5
Thanks for welcoming me to the site everyone!!! I feel the luvs <3 To Amayasama: I don't even know the meaning of a short story ;D as long as I get feedback (be it good or bad) I'll keep it going until I see a good time to end it. Part 2 comin' soon!!!
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emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Apr 12, 2010 18:03:45 GMT -5
Chapter 2! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Liz turned as fast as she could and broke into a dead sprint. When she made it back into the the trees, thorns and low hanging /branches ripped at her flesh, but it never registered, she was focusing on a MUCH bigger problem. 'A giant?! Oh God I'm being chased by a freaking giant!' she screeched inwardly as birds, deer, and other woodland creatures flitted by, fleeing from the same monster as Liz. Stories that she had heard when she was little like Jack and The Beanstalk filled her head, allowing her imagination to run wild with the ideas of getting crushed and eaten.'No!' she forced those thoughts to the the back of her mind and pushed her legs faster. Liz had been on her school's basketball team since seventh grade and had been playing soccer since she was six, but neither of those had prepared her for anything like this. Sure her adrenaline was helping, but she still had to weave through trees, jump dead logs, and avoid the jutting roots of trees. Not to mention the ground was slick from the rain and vibrating from the steps of the giant. All of this plus her hunger had Liz searching for any possible hiding place. Her lungs were on fire by the time she burst out into a clearing bigger than the one before. She urged her body to move faster while there were no obstacles in her way. As she sprinted, Liz looked back over her shoulder a couple of times to keep track of how far ahead she was. This was not one of her better ideas. After looking and seeing that the giant hadn't made it out of the trees yet, Liz was unaware of the tree stump that was planted in her path until it was too late. She let out a blood-curdling scream when her right shin made contact with the edge of the stump, and was enveloped by the tall grass as she sunk down to the ground. She bit her bottom lip and began to roll up her pants leg and revealed a large gash in her shin. She choked out a sob as she hugged her injured leg to her body and leaned back against the stump. Thankfully, the sound and feeling of the thundering footsteps kept Liz's adrenaline pumping which blocked most of her pain and allowed her to keep her head straight. She tried to stand and walk, but the pain was far too immense. After sinking back down into the grass, Liz pressed herself against the stump, hoping that the giant wouldn't see her. Some pleas just aren't heard. Liz's heart was trying to beat its way out of her chest as the giant's footsteps got closer and closer. She squeezed her eyes shut and prayed that the brute would pass her by, but the footsteps stopped. Slowly, Liz opened her eyes to see that she and most of the clearing before her had been swallowed by a large shadow. At first, she just sat there, every muscle in her body frozen with fear. But then, she felt something coming down towards her. Her head whipped up just in time to see the giant's hand slowly coming down, surely ready to squeeze the life out of her. At that moment, all of the stiffness in Liz's body was replaced by another rush of adrenaline. Just as the hand was a mere foot from grabbing her, she made a quick dive to her right and rolled down a slight slop in the earth. Pain shot up her leg and she let out a small cry, but nothing more. She rolled onto her back and sat up to face the beast, expecting him to make another grab for her, not that she was in any condition to flee though, her leg would not allow that. Liz was shocked to see that instead of trying to snatch her up again, the giant was just...sitting there. It was in a kind of crouched position, using one hand to support itself. It had it's body turned away from Liz, but she could see that it was looking right at her. The little amount of light coming from the moon was enough for Liz to see that this giant was a male with blackish hair that was long and feathered. She couldn't see his face but she could see his clothes. He wore a white button-up shirt with black pants and what looked to be black combat boots. His body build sent shivers down Liz's spine. As if his height wasn't terrifying enough! Liz could see the muscles that wrapped around his arms and no doubt the rest of him, giving him the appearance of a monster straight out of her nightmares. Liz's chilling observations were cut short though, by a a low rumbling cough. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dun dun duuuun! Chapter 3 coming soon to a computer screen near you!
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emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Apr 12, 2010 18:09:34 GMT -5
Okay I thought of a title after sitting on my bed and staring at my screen for God knows how long, and I want you guys to tell me what ya think: Life's Storms
If this is an epic failure please tell me before a make a fool a' myself X3
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Nicole
Youngling
May the force be with you, young grasshopper...
Posts: 80
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Post by Nicole on Apr 12, 2010 19:00:25 GMT -5
hmmm... "Life's Storms" I like it! It has a nice ring to it X3 This is a really great story so far~
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emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Apr 12, 2010 21:21:22 GMT -5
Thanks! Now I umm....could anyone tell me how to change the title please? ^^"
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Nicole
Youngling
May the force be with you, young grasshopper...
Posts: 80
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Post by Nicole on Apr 13, 2010 8:00:30 GMT -5
you go to "Modify" I think and change the title there. ^^
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Ridel
Youngling
Posts: 68
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Post by Ridel on Apr 13, 2010 8:12:00 GMT -5
Dun-dun-DUN! Oh dear, poor Liz, she's having a bad day. >__>
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Post by Neon on Apr 13, 2010 9:08:24 GMT -5
(You're right, Nicole! For the title, click the modify button on the first post and change the subject line. The others will still read as "Re: Title to be determined" unless people change those themselves, though. Replies afterwards should read properly. ^^)
Also ... great start to a story! I'm interested in seeing more. But ... when she ran into the stump ... I actually cringed. Yeowch!
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Post by Amayasama on Apr 13, 2010 16:11:35 GMT -5
XD Oh! Oh! Come to my screen first! *waves arm* x3 I have to say, I like the part where she's behind him, good description :3 Though I do wonder what he's doing in the forest...>> ...>D
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emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Apr 13, 2010 18:51:23 GMT -5
Thanks for the title help! Much obliged! Ridel: yeah kind of makes me feel guilty for putting her through it, but she gets to meet a giant so I think we're even X3 @neon: Yeah my leg hurts every time I read back over it :[ Amayasama: Sadly my dear, we don't get to find that out for awhile >:3 bwahahaha!!! But here is a cookie to make up for it *gives cookie*
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emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Apr 13, 2010 20:13:54 GMT -5
Chapter 3 for your faces! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Lliam stared down at the trembling girl sitting before him. He felt absolutely terrible for scaring her like this. When he had seen her truck break down on the side of the road, he had thought he could help, but now the fact that he'd even considered it baffled him. He should have known that the small girl would flee. Even though the girl was covered in his shadow, he could still see her thanks to his heightened senses (a giant thing he guessed).Her wavy red hair and clothes were completely soaked and caked in mud. Her wide eyes and smeared black eye make-up made the little girl look like a blue eyed, terrified raccoon. He didn't need his night vision to notice the gruesome gash on her leg, he could smell the coppery scent of blood mixed in with the smell of the past rain. Knowing that he was the reason for her injury made his heart sink. Now that Lliam had gotten the girl's attention by clearing his throat, he tried to convince her that he had no intentions to harm her. He cleared his throat a second time in nervousness, and spoke in the softest tone he could manage, "I'm sorry miss for startlin' you, I really didn't mean it." ----------------------------------- Liz just stared in shock, her mouth slightly agape. Not only had he spoken, but he had apologized (in a heavy Irish accent)! All she could do in response was curl into a ball. 'He's trying to trick me, lure me closer, and then BAM! He'll snatch me up,' she thought coldly. ----------------------------------- Lliam let out a sigh when he saw the distrusting glint in the girl's eyes 'This is going to be harder than I thought'. He kept trying though, he didn't want this girl to see him as a monster, though his gut told him it was too late for that, but he wanted change that if he could. "Miss, you're hurt. And since it's my fault I really think that I should help," he half stated half pleaded. Lliam bit his lower lip. He hoped that she would listen to him, because he knew he would have to get help soon for her wound, and he was sure she wouldn't like the plan B he had for getting her that help. -------------------------------- Liz could feel the shock on her face twist into a distrusting glare. Her tough side was bubbling to the surface inside of her. 'HELP ME?! PFFFT YEAH RIGHT!' she thought vehemently. She tried to scoot away to make her answer clear to the giant, but her tougher side had apparently blocked out her common sense, and she tried to use her bad leg to move herself. The pain was breath-taking, causing her to let out a series of choked sobs and a couple of tears. 'God dang it!' she screamed in her head. ---------------------------------- Lliam had gotten his answer from the glare that the small little girl gave him, but she took it a step further and tried to back away. The cries of pain that she had choked out made Lliam want to claw his heart out. 'How could I have been so stupid?!' he growled to himself. He had caused this girl so much pain, but he just couldn't leave her alone in the woods, he had stay true to his name. She couldn't walk to find help or defend herself against anything in the forest that might see her as easy prey. He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. It was time for plan B, and he knew she was gonna' hate it. Lliam carefully adjusted himself so that his entire body was turned towards the girl, and in the quickest, yet still somewhat gentle, movement he could mange, grabbed her by the back of her hoodie with his thumb and forefinger. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shortness! ^^" *hides behind Lliam in fear of being stoned* Today has been a rough day, but I felt that I at least needed to get Lliam out there :3 FYI: "Lliam" means Determined Guardian, so that's what it means when it said that he had to stay true to his name :]
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Nicole
Youngling
May the force be with you, young grasshopper...
Posts: 80
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Post by Nicole on Apr 13, 2010 20:46:48 GMT -5
I like the way you have those two interact! And I wonder how she's going to respond about being picked up? ^^
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emily13
Knight
Nanananana Dendeyyyy!
Posts: 274
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Post by emily13 on Apr 13, 2010 20:49:54 GMT -5
lol let's just say Lliam is running a huge risk of loosing a finger X3
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Nicole
Youngling
May the force be with you, young grasshopper...
Posts: 80
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Post by Nicole on Apr 13, 2010 20:57:40 GMT -5
ooh geez! Don't hurt him too much Liz... ;D
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