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Post by masquerade on Jul 3, 2009 7:31:42 GMT -5
*here's another story i;m going to try and write. please tell me what you think. P.S i was getting tears in my eyes when i was writing the mothers p.o.v. how weak is that V____V and my grammer isnt that good as well* Name: Audio Potemkin Description Age:15 Gender: Male. Eye colour: dark blue. Height: around 6 ft. Hair: blonde and almost always in spikes. Body: muscular, broad sholders and all around good looking. I had just got a hotdog and a cookies & cream milkshake from Wendy’s. mum gave me money to get it and the keys to into the car, not for me to drive off in of course, I was to wait there until she finished at the supermarket. On the way to exit I was mouthing the lyrics to ‘broken eyes(Aska remix)’ by concord dawn. www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQr9Kyup-mo“Too quick to criticize The sun with broken eyes, The will to let it breathe It's left a scar on me When there's no need to stay The day dream wilts away This cold reality Some things are meant to be (x4)” “I love this song” I smiled to myself. Just as I was at a pair of ugly dark blue sliding doors, something happened to me that I never thought would happen to me I got shot in the temple. I didn’t see the low life that did it because my eyes were deeply clouded with my own blood and tears. I lay there motionless on the tiles of the local shopping mall ‘gateway plaza’ knowing that I was going to die. I was going to loose my family, my friends and my life. My dreams and future ripped to shreds by an evil and disgusting thief with nothing better to do than ruin other peoples lives for his own amusement. This was it. The last couple of seconds of my life, were spent, slowly bleeding to death on the tiles of the local shopping mall. (Mother’s P.O.V) Just as I got a trolley to start my afternoon grocery shopping, I herd a loud bang from the direction of the entrance. I got my handbag out of the trolley and rushed to the entrance were i thought the shot was fired. I got there only find a crowd of people yelling to call an ambiance and gasping and also crying. I pushed to the front of the crowd and almost immediately started crying. My son audio was lying on the floor motionless with a pool of blood surrounding his head. Only minutes ago I was talking, smiling and laughing with him. Now he is dead, but I kept forcing myself to think he is still alive. I hopelessly called out to people to call an ambulance and to help me try and revive him. Tears were flowing down my face, also yelling “come on audio don’t die on me now” I cried as I uselessly tried to bring the dead back to life. |
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Post by giantblackcat on Jul 3, 2009 13:45:45 GMT -5
Wow! Poor boy!
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Post by natalie on Jul 3, 2009 14:17:26 GMT -5
Aww, poor boy and Mom!! So sad!! Great start!! I like it! Please continue when you have time!1
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Post by masquerade on Jul 3, 2009 20:30:16 GMT -5
*sorry if this is a bit cheesey  ive also writen more than this, but i dont wont to post it all in one go ;D* (Audio’s P.O.V) After I died, I rose from my body and stood over myself. I guess now I’m in my spirit form. I saw mum trying to revive me. A tear ran down my cheek as I crouched down and put my hand on her cheek and kissed her goodbye “goodbye mum” I sobbed. She felt it as well and knew it was me saying goodbye. She put her hand on mine and whispered “goodbye son.” I kissed her one last time and then slowly walked into the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. When I exited the light, I was at the back of a huge line of people leading up to two huge golden gates. One of the weirdest things yet it that all of us were standing on clouds. Usually if you stood on a cloud you’d fall straight through. It was like walking on couch pillows. About an hour later a was finally at the gates, I couldn’t go straight in, st peter had to asked me a few questions first. “You name son?” he asked “Audio Potemkin, sir” I said politely “Cause of death?” he asked “I got shot in the head at a shopping mall.” “Age?” “15” “Thank you my dear boy. You may enter.” He said and gestured toward the gates as they opened “thank you so much sir” I said gratefully. “no problem” he smiled and I returned the gesture and walked through the gates. As I walked through the gates, the shot wound disappeared and I my clothes were swiftly exchanged for a white robe with a thin gold chain around my waist. The robe goes down to my knees and kimono sleeves that go to my elbows. The most extraordinary things that happend was that there are wings growing on my back. “Wings, amazing!” “Cool isn’t it” said a boy in front of me “hey, I’m Carlos Arrakis” he put his hand in front of him, waiting for me to shake it. “Hey, I’m Audio Potemkin” I smiled and shook his hand. “so are we in heaven?” I asked curiously “yes we are my dear friend. And as hard as it may be to believe, you are now an angel.” Said Carlos. I can’t believe it, I’m actually an angel. I wonder if I get a halo. “Would you like me to teach you how to use you wings?” he said “Yes please!” I said excitedly. I couldn’t wait till I could use them! I’ll probably be able to fly. “Well here’s how you do it. Push the skin your back out, sort of like you do with your stomach.” He instructed. I did what he said and soon enough they stretched out beside me. They weren’t fully white like I expected. Some of the feathers had red rimed around them. “I haven’t saw wings like yours in 50 years.” He said as he examined them. Wait, he said 50 years how does he look the same age as me. |
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Post by giantblackcat on Jul 3, 2009 20:33:41 GMT -5
How to fly in 5 lessons! XDXDXDD
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Post by natalie on Jul 3, 2009 20:35:13 GMT -5
Really great update!!
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Post by LightHeart on Jul 3, 2009 20:49:22 GMT -5
Hehe! What a good relief from a sad beginning!
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Post by masquerade on Jul 3, 2009 20:58:45 GMT -5
i'm glad you guys/girls like it ^^ *hugs*
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Post by masquerade on Jul 4, 2009 3:59:07 GMT -5
*thanks guys, im glad your liking it ;D
heres more, even if it does get boring im probably going to keep posting it*
“You said 50 years, right. Then how do you look the same age as me.”
“Oh that, ok then, where to start?” he said to himself. “Well first of all, you never age in heaven. I came here in 1912 you know.” 1912! He’s been here for 97 years! “And you also don’t get hungry or thirsty, tired or sick or anything like that.” He said slowly.
Normally after something like that I’d get light headed, but not here. “So I could be here 5000 years and not age one bit” I said weakly
“Exactly.” He nodded
“And never eat or sleep.”
“Yes” he nodded again “why don’t I teach you how to fly, ok?”
That’ll take that stuff off my mind. Hopefully.
“Can you feel the control you have over your wings?” he asked
“Yeah, sort of” I said truthfully
“Try and flap them, ok?”
“I’ll try my best.” And I did just that. And managed to slowly get them moving back and forth.
“That’s it, keep going.”
I did. And I eventually got them flapping fast enough so that I could fly.
Flying was the best feeling I’ve had in my entire life. As I flew I could feel the wind in my hair, the feeling of weightlessness and being able to be high of the ground without anything metal or electronic to hold me up there. “This is awesome!” I yelled excitedly.
“Over all the time I’ve been here I haven’t yet got bored with flying.” Said Carlos
In the middle of my amazing first flight, something went wrong.
I looked forward at the sun and it started slowly turning black “oh my! Not today!” yelled Carlos “why is he coming today!?” he questioned
“Who’s coming?” I asked him “is he dangerous?”
“Every 500 years a man more evil than the devil himself comes here. They call him the black sun empire. He destroys everything in his path” Said Carlos alarmed “follow me!”
*by the way there is more than this, but as i said before i dont want to post it all in one go*
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Post by giantblackcat on Jul 4, 2009 6:59:21 GMT -5
OMG!! More, please!!
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Post by natalie on Jul 4, 2009 14:21:52 GMT -5
Yes, please write more!!
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Post by masquerade on Jul 4, 2009 20:21:58 GMT -5
*my fav band of all time is black sun empire so i just had to include the name*
So I followed him to what ended up being a small white house with gold trimmings. But just as I got to the door a cold and mutilated hand grabbed my arm tightly “let go!” I yelled
“No, you worthless piece of shit” I turned around, only to see a man so terrifyingly ugly it’s impossible to describe. It was the black sun empire. “Let go of me!”
My wings (which I had folded up) flared out from my back. “AH!!” screamed the black sun empire “get them away from me!” I looked at my wings, and found that they were glowing brightly, and the red in them was glowing in brighter. But as I was looking at them, he found this as the perfect time to punch me, which was in the temple. That got me angry. I raised my fist and pucnched him as hard as I could and walked closer to him and he screamed even louder than before while putting his hand over his face until it got too much for him and he stumbled backwards and fell over. “too much for ya’ hmm” I growled down to him. He put his hands in front of his face and was then reduced to ashes.
“That was easy” I said and folded me wings up. Every one then came over and started congratulating me. “You did it” yelled someone “you beat the black sun empire!” congratulated another.
But then, what seemed to be… I think was Jesus came over to me “well done my heroic son” he said smiling “you have bet the wretched black sun empire. I thank you gratefully for what you have done.” He said “as a reward I will let you go down and see you dear mother, when ever you like. But only when she’s alone, because no one but her can know about it.” He said
“Can I go now?” I asked excitedly
“She’s home alone for an hour, so you are allowed to go now.
When I got on earth I still had my wings, robe and all that. I also gave me a halo.
I appeared in the lounge room and found mum watching Austar. (For those of you don’t know what Austar is its cable TV)
I came up behind the black leather couch and said “mum. It’s me, Audio”
Her head shot back when she heard me, and her eyes lit up when she saw it was me. “Audio! Is it really you?!”
“Hey mum” I smiled and she got up off the couch and ran up to me “I’m so glad to see you I thought you were dead.” She cried and hugged me, and I hugged back. She felt the wings on my back and gasped “are they… wings”
“I am dead mum. I just came down to visit you.”
She looked and my halo and robe and said “so, y-you’re an angel?” she questioned
“Yes” I smiled “see” I said and extended my wings “aren’t they awesome” I said and she extended her hand touched my left wing. I flinched at her cold touch “your hands’ cold”
“I know, sorry honey” she apologized “your wings are, so, so beautiful and the feel amazing!”
“Thank you” I smiled and put my hand on her cheek, it was cold. “Your freezing, don’t you hand the heater on?” I asked
“No I don’t, I don’t know why though. I should put it on” she sighed “but your hand is so warm” she said again
“Here” I said and hugged her with my wings as well. “This better?” I didn’t have to ask to know it was true.
“Yes thank you” she leaned her head on my shoulder “so how’s heaven?” she asked awkwardly.
“Well the ground, its not concrete or dirt, it’s clouds, There very soft to walk on. And from all the time I’ve been there I haven’t got hungry or tired. The hole in my head’s gone but the best of all is my wings; flying’s the best of all.” I said still hugging her. “and did you know that I had to use some kind of shrinking spell to get this size again.”
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Post by giantblackcat on Jul 4, 2009 23:12:09 GMT -5
Aaaawww!!! *love*!!
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Post by natalie on Jul 5, 2009 1:54:43 GMT -5
Thats so sweet!!
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Post by masquerade on Jul 6, 2009 22:23:45 GMT -5
hopefully i'll write more today
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Post by giantblackcat on Jul 6, 2009 22:27:51 GMT -5
Weee!! XD
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Post by masquerade on Jul 6, 2009 22:32:29 GMT -5
lol you guys really make me laugh sometimes : D |
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Post by giantblackcat on Jul 6, 2009 22:36:50 GMT -5
lol you guys really make me laugh sometimes : D Really? *blush* |
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Post by masquerade on Jul 7, 2009 5:15:27 GMT -5
lol you guys really make me laugh sometimes : D Really? *blush* yeah! Eg: those comments u do where the charecters say funny stuff |
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Post by masquerade on Jul 7, 2009 6:21:12 GMT -5
*i don't mean to be a snob or anything like that but even though my grammer is terrible, pleaase don't correct me. because it makes me loose inspiration for some reason. but anyway heres more*
“Really? How big are you up there?” she asked curiously.
“Around 100ft I think.” I said matter-of-factly “it’s cold in here, why don’t you have the heater on?” I was used to the perfect weather up in heaven by now.
“What’s the wether like up there?” she asked as she turned on the gas log fire.
“The weather? It’s absolutely perfect! Night time never comes!” I said as I stood in front of the fire, my back facing it.
“d-don’t burn your wings” she said shyly.
“Oh don’t worry, I won’t. Why so shy?”
“Wouldn’t you be a bit shy if you were telling angel, who is supposed to be mythical, not to burn there wings on my lounge room heater.” She stated
“I suppose so” I chuckled and spread my wings to warm them up. “Don’t stand over there in the cold mum, come and stand next to me.” So she came over to me and stood beside me.
“So, how’s life been for ya lately?” I asked politely, trying to cheer her up. But it did the complete opposite.
“It’s been terrible. I’m nothing without you aud, I don’t even know who I am anymore” she sobbed, which was breaking my heart. “I…I just…” she couldn’t finish due to her crying.
“Don’t worry mum, I’m here now.” I said and hugged her with both my arms and wings. “but. I have to go back in a couple of minutes.” I said sadly “because dad’s going to be coming home and you’re the only one who can know about my visit.”
She pulled back from the hug “You have to go?!” she gasped
“yes” I sighed “I have to. After all I am mythical.” I smiled “but if you tell anyone about me being here, I won’t be aloud to come back, and you will forget I ever have been here.” I sighed again “so will you promise me to not tell?”
“I promise. And please come back soon”
“Thank you. And don’t worry, I’ll come back soon.” I smiled. “1 more minute till I have to go.”
“Ok. See you soon. I love you son” she said and kissed me on the cheek.
“I love you to mum” I smiled and kissed her back. Then I heard the sound of our old, faded red barina slowly going down the driveway. “See you soon” I said and slowly disappeared from earth and went back to heaven.
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!!!!
ive also writen more than this, but i dont wont to post it all in one go ;D*
